Surgery Day 3.

Im really bleak that I havent had time to sit and write down everything I've down. I'm certain I've forgotten to share so many stories. But this craziness has been really productive. Many of these photos are from the schoool visit to St Paul's Academy. The student team is incredible. Sophie is an Archaelogist and Kristy is a 5th-year Med Student. Both of them are super sweet, really fun and are doing a wonderful job taking initiative and entertaining the kids. Today, I think we did 31 surgeries. We've done so many cleft palate repairs this week. OH we got chocolate milk at tea time today! (I think I'm the only one who was drinking it, but it totally made my day!) I watched another interesting surgery, removing a huge bulge of tissue that was over the one side of a woman's face. (I'm sure there's a technical term for it.. But there you go.) Tomorrow brings many more surgeries, many more memories built with extraordinary people and, no doubt, a ton more jokes with the anaesthesia team. Also, go download this song, it's super cute and free. And for every download they donate a dollar to Opertaion Smile. If we reach our goal, and with your help we will, we'll be able to raise funds for 41 surgeries through this. A song for a smile!

Kinshasa so far...

 

 

 {some photos from the Kinshasa Mission so far.}
Today was day one of surgery, and tomorrow i visit The American School to talk about opsmile bc theyre starting a student club. The local support has been INCREDIBLE. -Beyond what we couldve asked for! I watched two incredible contracture release operations on brothers who fell into the fire where their mother was cooking. It was beautiful to watch. Surgery truly is art. And the knowledge of how much this is going to change their lives is overwhelming. I learnt so much from the doctors today, being that girl hanging out in the OR asking a thousand questions. Every time i watch a surgery im certain i want to (have to) be a plastic surgeon. We still have a ton of people coming for screening every day, and the surgeries are going really well. We have a research team collecting data in an attempt to determine causes or contributing factors to cleft lips; a real life CSI team! ...Except there wasn't a murder. Day two of surgery tomorrow. Better get to bed!

There really is light.

I've been... a mess. For a long time. Longer than I'm brave enough to admit. Longer than I let myself realise. And yesterday, I experienced what I can only call divine revelation. -A sense of relief, of release, and for the first time in what feels like forever: hope.

And maybe you don't need to know this; maybe it won't change your life knowing that I've been living in darkness deeper than I could bare to risk escaping; maybe it's not going to affect your day knowing that I finally feel like I can breathe again. But today I realised that doesn't matter. And though I am so desperate for my every action and interaction to be significant, to change the world or a life; I realised that I can love you, and want to make you proud, without losing myself in an attempt to be perfect for you.

I write. That's what I do, always have. Not because I think I have a particular talent or because I feel I have something profound to say. I write to survive. Perhaps self-indulgent, perhaps wise; but liberating all the same. I haven't been sure of anything recently, but today I am sure that this is the only way I'll cope. Whether I wake up in tears or raring to face the day, I will learn something new, discuss something controversial, meet someone fascinating, consider a philospher's ideas... And I will tell their story.

So I've chosen to write. For my sanity. And in the hope that my words would inspire you to consider the validity of a different point of view, the reality in another person's world, or to confront the truth -even the brutality- of your own.

Also, you should read this. It kinda scares me that I talk to her every day and yet I had no idea we've been thinking the same thing. But mostly, I think she says it better than I ever could. And you really need to hear it.

Perspective.

We are more privileged than we allow ourselves to acknowledge. 

 So much of our lives are wasted on things that don't matter.

Think of the things that cause you stress.

I think of my world, and it's like "seriously, andrea?"

It's so easy to get lost in the unimportant.

I'd much rather live for the broken

Live with a purpose

To make a difference and change lives

I like to keep perspective.

This is the world we live in.

And how much of the damage are you contributing to?

In denial about that? Fine.

But how much are you doing to help?

Just sayin..

Beautiful Chanel.

This is Chanel.

Ohmygoodness she's just so dang cute!

And this is her after her operation...

I cant say enough how adorable she is.

She's five years old now, and insanely active! She just runs and jumps and spins, and has an appetite like no one else I've seen! The first time we met, we drove to where she was standing, and before our mothers had even established whether we were the right people, before I could even get out of the car to say hi.. She had run upto the car, jumped into the back, and was hugging me! And spent the rest of the drive playing with my bracelets, tickling me, showing me her injuries and supergirly clothes *silver pumps with hearts all over them..a frilly candycane-striped top.. ah, girls clothes are the best*... Then we raced around the waterfront and played crazy games.. And ended the night with city lights and colourful dessert.

Today's event, a fashion show at Zevenwacht, was wonderful!

The venue was beautiful, great music, incredible clothes, Top Billing presenters (and what is an event without them.. haha) And (wait for it...) over R81 000 was raised!!

 R81 000!!! *whaaaat* Yes, that's atleast 16 surgeries.

16 lives changed forever. 16 people who wont have to hide their faces from the world. 16 people who can smile and laugh with everyone else, and not be ashamed. Oh, above is Braam Malherbe, who did a cool 'nothing is impossible, dream big, i ran the Great Wall of China with David Grier, BOOM' talk and played a video of it.. It was the first time I watched a mission clip after being home. Yeah, I cried more than I've cried during a mission video before. It's so much more real, so much more... I know these kids! I spent a week with his mom! I felt their pain and their joy. Every smile feels so much more magical, every moment bringing back my own experiences.

Flip, when that first dress got sold for R20 000, (the lovely dress that Chanel got to model, that the buyer donated back to her!!!) the tears just started flowing.. I just.. I'm constantly blown away by the generous hearts I've come into contact with. And wow, having been on a mission, seeing the effect of the surgery on peoples' lives, and knowing how deserving each and every one of the patients are (and how deserving Chanel and her mom are of this wonderful weekend away, and their moment in the spotlight) --it just makes it so much more emotional for me. I heard R20 000 and all I could see was those four children's faces lighting up, the moment their parents realize things will be different now, ahh it's like my heart bursts with anticipation! I wonder if the buyers will ever understand the difference they're making..

The food was sooo good :) And so beautiful* I'll go through my pictures and get actual nice ones of the event, but for now, how cool is this headdress?! And gosh this lady is soo beautiful! (Thankyou Muse Model Management *sponsor shoutout haha*)

Anyway, this was a wonderful weekend, filled with many "I'm so so blessed to have Operation Smile in my life. To have met such incredible people. To be inspired by their big dreams. And to have shared these life-changing experiences with them." moments.

To you I say, keep dreaming.

They definitely come true.

Here doesn't feel like home.

I never cry. Yet here I am with tears running down my face, at a single memory, a split-second thought. I miss being there, with everyone. And more than everything, I've been struck by the simplicity with which one can completely change someone's life. Not just the patients; gaining insight into the lives of the other people on the team.. I really understand the concept of something you take for granted being the world to someone else. I am drowing in a sense of gratitude, not only for my material wealth, but the people in my life, my ideals, my mindset, the way I've learnt to deal in certain situations .. I feel so privelidged. And I'm finding it difficult to feel .. settled.. back here. it doesnt feel like home. It doesnt feel like it's meant to be. It doesnt feel like anyone here understands what I'm feeling, who I am now. I want to share my experiences, but I'm still trying to process it all. I'm kinda just.. sitting. Embracing the moments I have to contemplate. I'm home and yeah everyone is here, but all i want is to be back in Tana. All i want is to be back spending long days changing the lives of the most gentle grateful kind people I've ever met. I want to wake up to the breathtaking view of the most beautiful town I've seen. I want to be walking through that hospital, smiling at the parents, being a symbol of hope ,learning malagasy words, sharing stories with the locals... I dont know what to do with myself here; I don't know who to be. My heart feels like it's being pulled a million different ways.. but the only way it wants to go is the direction of Tana. I feel lost, but the kind of lost that is caused by knowing exactly where I'm meant to be. Nothing here seems to matter as much. -Not in a mean way. More like I need to find my place here again. I felt like, my heart was at home. They call it 'tamana' in malagasy, -when u feel comfortable, at home in a place.  everyone was my family, everyone was love.